


Attachments

by Stonyinspirationwriter



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Difficult Decisions, Disappointment, Emotional Baggage, Established Relationship, Internal Conflict, Loss, M/M, Mention of past, Morning After, Parent Tony Stark, Past Relationship(s), Protective Tony Stark, Separations, Stony - Freeform, Superhusbands (Marvel), The Ava Stark-Rogers series, baby girl - Freeform, brief nudity, conflicted feelings, loss of a parent, mention of rough sex, new parent fears, responsible parent, single parent tony
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-18
Updated: 2017-01-18
Packaged: 2018-09-18 08:47:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,445
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9377351
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Stonyinspirationwriter/pseuds/Stonyinspirationwriter
Summary: After a two year separation, Steve and Tony fall into old habits and must decide whether they should give their previously tumultuous relationship another try. Further complicating matters, Tony is a new father to a baby girl.





	

**Author's Note:**

> First official origin story in The Ava Stark-Rogers series. Previously written fics may differ in details.
> 
> If you enjoyed this please comment! Insecure writer will appreciate it <3

Various articles of hastily disregarded clothing litter the bedroom. Tangled sheets bunched at the foot of the bed, exposing the the two men lying beside one another in states of undress.

The hazy intoxication of sexual pleasure has cleared, replaced with a brutal clarity, and now there’s only stillness.

Tony lies on his back, eyes gazing upward. The arc reactor burrowed into his chest is completely exposed, penetrating the darkness. Its light highlights his facial features in a bluish tint, giving his solemn expression an ominous appearance.

In Tony’s peripheral vision he can see Steve lying on his stomach beside him.

Tony pulls a sheet against his chest in order to dim the light from the reactor, and turns on his side to view Steve.

Steve’s completely nude, the contours of his muscular body–including that firm buttocks of his –shamelessly on display like he’s a living work of art inviting everyone to gawk in wonderment. Having Steve like this beside him, listening to his breath, so close to touch, is simultaneously a familiar and foreign sight. It had been so long since he’d been permitted to see him like this when it use to be a common sight for years. If he could have somehow known the future back then, then he wouldn’t have taken the privilege for granted.

Steve sometimes reminded him of a young boy whenever he slept. He seemed younger somehow, innocent and peaceful. But during one of his bad nights, his features would become taunt in distress, and he’d age. That look of childish innocence would change and he’d become a man tormented by decades of unwelcome knowledge. Amazing how something beautiful could easily morph into something ugly. 

Now There’s a metaphor for our relationship, Tony can’t help but think.

Tony reaches out a hand to stroke Steve’s cheek but he quickly retracts it. The tender gesture somehow seems inappropriately intimate, and Tony reserves himself to simply watching.

How long ago it now seems from the days where Tony wouldn’t keep his hands off him. He’d gotten so comfortable that he somehow managed to convince himself that he had some sort of cosmic claim over Steve. But if hindsight had ever taught Tony anything it was that nothing in this world truly belonged to you. Everyone is a puppet controlled by the strings of a sadistic universe.

Those absent years spent apart had widened the barrier already constructed between them during those last few months of their failed relationship. Just like their battle over The Accords, this wasn’t an easy fix. Once again their relationship had been permanently altered. This wasn’t something that one night of extremely hot sex could easily remove.

How was it that after nearly two years of no contact Steve had somehow found his way back into Tony’s life? Why had Tony let him?How was it that Steve had managed to weasel his way into his life at all? Tony detested his very existence long before Steve had even been pulled out of the ice.

Now Tony detested the pathetic hold that he allowed Steve to have over him.

What was this irrepressible tendency to gravitate towards the man, drop everything and come at his beckoned call like a dog does when called by his master.

So much had happened during the past months they’d spent together. So much had changed during the time spent apart–they’d changed–but as the current situation proved there were still things in this world that refused to.

What were they now? Ex lovers? Friends with benefits? Colleagues? Was this just something born from convenience and loneliness?

The sex had been animalistic, saturated in want and desperation. He’d needed some kind of reprieve. He was still struggling to adjust to the heartache Ava’ s mother had left behind in her death, and Steve had presented the perfect opportunity to numb that pain for a while.

Yes, that’s it. Just sex. He was hurting and had fallen back on old habits. It was a case of needs meeting opportunity, and nothing more. Anything he felt for Steve was from leftover chemistry and muscle memory.

No matter what he thought he may have felt–may feel for Steve– he’d remind himself that it was all trivial in comparison to the one thing that truly mattered.

Tony turns his back to Steve and directs his attention to the monitor on the nightstand. On the security feed he could see his baby girl asleep in her crib, her vital signs displayed beside her image. Heart rate, respiratory, brain patterns–all normal. His AI programmed to immediately alert him if any abnormalities occurred.

The window for SIDS may have passed but there were plenty of other things to fear, and with his track record for losing those that he loved, the universe was likely conspiring to take his precious child away from him.

Ava was all he had left in this world, as well as the ever expanding Galaxy he’d only surfaced during his brief time with The Guardians.

There were too many threats, both seen and unseen, and the thought of them were what fueled his nightmares.

His formerly subdued thoughts freely roam the darkness, wrecking havoc on Tony’s mind, filling it with guilt and anxiety until he could feel tears sliding from the corners of his eyes.

* * * * * 

Steve awakens to the sound of a baby’s cry. He sits up, his sleep-fogged brain struggles to register his unfamiliar whereabouts for a few moments before he catches sight of the glowing light from the reactor in Steve’s chest. 

Before, when he and Tony were in a relationship–God knows what this was– that light use to bring Steve such a sense of comfort. He’d jerk awake from a severe nightmare, panting, in a cold sweat, and gasping for air–eyes immediately in search for that circular beacon that powered his lovers heart. The proof that Tony’s heart was still in working order was always enough to relieve his mind for the night. 

It’d been so long since Steve had had that comfort, he’d almost forgotten how much he missed it. Almost.

Tony is immediately up and out of bed. He shrugs on his robe over his pajama pants and swiftly leaves the room before Steve has fully comprehended what was happening.

On the monitor he could see baby Ava sitting up in her crib, balling her eyes out. “What’s the matter?” Tony coos, walking over to her crib. Her little arms reach out to him and he scoops her up. “Hm? What’s the matter?” He cooes, lightly bouncing the crying six-month year old..

“You don’t feel wet",Tony observes.“You hungry?” Tony asks, planting a kiss on her head. “Alright. Let’s get you a bottle.”

Steve watches him move about the penthouse on the security footage as he makes his way to the kitchen area. He reaches into the refrigerator, pulling out a pre-prepared bottle of formula and places it into a device that Steve cannot currently supply the name for. All the while Tony continues softly speaking, and Ava’s crying gradually dies down to a whimper.

Steve cannot help but watch in quiet fascination at how at ease Tony is with her. He moves with such skill and confidence that Steve questions how anyone could have ever had any doubts of his capability as a father.

This Tony was a far cry from the scared shit-less, half crazed new father that Rhodey and Natasha had once described. He also wasn’t the well groomed, perfectly contrived Tony Stark the world was accustomed to. He was still the Tony that Steve had fallen for–against all reason and better judgement–but he was also something new entirely, and this new Tony…Well, he confused him. 

Ava’s comfortably nestled in Tony’s arms, her eyes trained on his face as she suckles the bottle. Even without the digital clarity of the camera feed anyone could blatantly see the matching adoration in both father and daughter’s eyes.

After a few moments Steve diverts his gaze to the view of the twinkling city through the floor to wall windows. His thoughts now completely immersed with previously hidden revelations brought on by what he had just witnessed and what had transpired between the two of them only hours before.

“I’m tired, Steve.“ Tony had confessed to him much earlier that night. “ I’m always tired but I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes I see her face, and then I think of Ava. It’s only a matter of time until–” Tony had covered his face with his hands.

“Until what?” Steve had prompted.

Having removed his hands from his face, Tony had looked him in the eye. His expression dismal, and his tone haunted, he responded, “Until they try to take her from me, too. I won’t let that happen.”

“Who’s gonna try to take her away from you?” 

“Everyone.”

After some time Steve turns his attention back to the security feed and finds Ava fast asleep in her crib but Tony is no where to be seen. After quick search of the multiple security cameras he locates Tony on the rooftop terrace of the penthouse. He’s seated on the expansive white couch, taping away at his StarkPad.

Steve tells himself to give Tony space, but lying here in the darkness with nothing but his thoughts to occupy himself leaves him questioning his own motivations. Guilt and doubt gnaw at his mind as he thinks of Tony’s hooded eyes, bursting with need and fanned by long lashes; Tony’s hungry mouth on his, and the familiar scratch of his beard.

It had happened so fast. How ironic that after months of dancing around his own feelings, and trying to decipher Tony’s–not to mention those two previous years they’d gone without any contact whatsoever–it was still too fast.

There was no doubt that something had been rekindled between them. They’d grown in their own way, and that old magic, that electricity they once shared, had returned. It still didn’t change the fact that despite what Steve would tell himself, he knew at the back of his mind that he was in over his head. It was repetitive, counterproductive behavior. They’d tried and failed before, and considering the new set of complications, this was bound for disaster. This time Tony was not only a father but he was also still grieving over the tragic loss of his girlfriend.

Selfish. That’s what Tony once called him during one of their more heated fights back when they were still a couple. 

Was Tony right after all? 

He tries to think of the moment where he had decided to place himself as priority. It had obviously been as much as an unconscious decision as was any unintentional pursuit of Tony.

Although, it’s not as though Steve had taken advantage, the sex was consensual. To simply say Tony was complicit was an understatement. Tony was of sound mind and body and therefore able to make his own decisions, and he’d made a choice. 

But why wasn’t Tony lying beside him right now? It unreasonably bothered him.

Suddenly he felt the need for some fresh, city-polluted air.

Steve throws the covers off his naked body and searches for his jeans and underwear, which which had been carelessly discarded In the heat of the moment.

The elevator doors part and the chilly night air greets Steve. Tony is standing with his back to him, overlooking tge city before him, dressed in what Steve knew to have once been his father’s robe.

He’s quietly rambling to himself the way he’d always done when he was working his way through a particularly difficult equation or project.

Even with Steve’s enhanced senses he can’t make much sense of the words spilling from Tony’s lips in rapid succession, which are only privy to Tony.

It may have been a while, but finding the genius in such a state was something Steve had grown accustomed over the years.That brain of his was always overworking itself, and it was characteristic of him to talk aloud to himself; just one of the occupational habits of living with a genius.

Steve exaggerates a cough to announce his presence to the preoccupied genius. Not having heard his nimble footsteps approaching behind him, Tony is instantly startled. He abruptly turns, his whole body on alert.

“Christ!” Tony exclaims, breathing a sigh of relief, relaxing his taut posture. “I was five seconds away from calling one of the suits over.”

“Sorry”, Steve sheepishly offers. “I haven’t seen that suit for a while”, he realizes.

“You were about to be reacquainted with it more than you’d care for”, Tony says. “If you really wanted to see it you could have just asked.”

“Oops.” Steve jokes, shrugging his shoulders.

Tony resumes his place on the couch. “Couldn’t sleep?” Tony asks, instantly resuming to tap away at his StarkPad.

“Yeah.” Steve admits, awkwardly rubbing at the back of his neck as he tries to decide whether he’s welcomed to join him.

“Did Ava wake you?”

“Nah.” Steve fibs. “Didn’t hear a thing. Must of slept through it. I just happened to wake up. I’m, uh, surprised you’re still awake.”

“I told you” , Tony clarifies, eyes still focused on the screen, “I don’t sleep.”

“Ah.” Steve nods. “Right.”

Steve nervously shifts as he tries to think of something to say, but any ideas fade before they have begun to fully materialize. One would think Steve would be better at communicating with the man that he’d once thought would remain at his side for the rest of their lives.

All the while Tony ceaselessly continues tapping away as he chases rapid thoughts that come faster than his fingers can type.

Steve can feel his face burning hot. Frustration and disappointment bloom inside his chest. Just has decided to retreat with his tail between his legs, Tony throws his tablet to the side and raises a glass of amber liquid.

“Drink?” He offers. “It’s apple juice”, he exasperates at Steve’s bewildered expression.

Steve takes it as an open invitation to join him. He takes a seat beside him but leaves an ample gap that either of them could easily close by a simple shift.

Tony pours him a glass and hands it to him, and Steve takes a sip of the sweet liquid.

“Gotta keep up appearances”, Tony explains, gesturing with the glass in his hand.

“Wearing baby puke also a part of the latest fashion trend?”, Steve smirks, directing a pointed glance.

Tony follows Steve’s eye-line and spots the dry stain on the chest of his t-shirt. He grimaces, pulling his robe shut over the exposed area.

“I wouldn’t be too worried about image if I were you”, Steve offers. “People find the whole ‘Ex-Playboy, single-dad-thing irresistible.”

Tony raises his eyebrows at the comment and a sly grin forms on his lips.

At the realization of what he’d just said, Steve let’s out a nervous cough and hides his embarrassment into his glass. Thankfully, Tony keeps whatever comment he could have possibly made to himself.

“Pepper had the audacity to imply that Ava is the product of cosmic justice”, Tony says indignantly. Steve furrows his brow, uncomprehending. “You know, the whole ‘playboy’ title”, Tony clarifies.

A grin flickers across Steve’s lips, which he immediately tsuppresses, although his eyes still dance with amusement. “You, um… You’ve seen Pepper?”

“Yeah. Quite a few times, actually. She heard about…about what happened, and she helped me get some things in order–before and after she was born. She was a big help.”

“She’s always been”, Steve admits. “How’s her kid?”

“Getting bigger.” Tony reports. “Looking more and more like her, fortunately. He’s a little carrot top.” Tony smiles fondly at the thought. After a beat he wistfully adds, “She seems really happy.” There’s a hint of sadness in those warm brown eyes, but the look is fleeting and gone in an instant. 

Steve remembers how hard it was for Tony when he and Pepper had separated. Tony had once said that he’d always love Pepper. That she’d forever be the one that got away. Maybe that’s how it was for Steve when it came to Peggy. There’s a part of him, growing smaller with each passing year, but nevertheless existed, that would always wonder how life would have been if he and Peggy had actually gone on that date. And then there was Sharon Carter. An amazing woman in so many ways, and the first person he’d ever been intimate with. He’d loved her, but in the end, to one’s fault, they had gone their separate ways.

Tony’s breakup with Pepper, and then Steve’s breakup with Sharon, gave the two men some common ground, which they had used as the foundation to re-build their friendship after the mess of The Accords, and then there was Thanos.

“Ava’s lucky to have you.” Steve acknowledges. “You’re great with her.”

“I get by.”

“You’re a good father, Tony.”

The gravity of the compliment is apparent in the raw emotions projected through Tony’s eyes. There’s a mix of pleasure, relief, and gratitude. There’s also pain; disbelief, maybe regret. 

It’s all too overwhelming for the genius that he lowers his gaze and refrains from eye contact. Steve knows him all too well. Any emotional defense is pretty much futile at this stage.

“ Well–” Tony clears his throat. “She doesn’t have much of a say in the matter.”

“I saw you with her tonight”, Steve says. “You looked like you knew what you were doing.”

Tony raises his eyebrows. Y”ou were watching me?” Tony questions, peering suspiciously at him. “You said you slept through her crying.”

Damn! “Well, I…” Steve stammers. “I wasn’t watching you", he insists.” I just happened to see you…”

“You’re a terrible liar”, Tony notes, his eyes twinkling with mirth. Steve presses his lips into a thin line. “Anyway", Tony carries on, “I know nothing about women–much less girls–other than they like shiny things and constant attention.”

‘”The same thing could be said about you”, Steve teases. Tony shoots him a look and Steve raises his palms in surrender.

“Haha", Tony dryly remarks, rolling his eyes. "Cheeky”, he tuts.

“I honestly don’t have a clue”, Steve admits. “But she’s just gonna be a baby for a while, so that should buy you some time to figure it out.”

Tony’s eyes meet his, and they soften and melt into Steve’s. Steve finds himself staring at the long lashes on his lower lid, and then traveling down to his lips. 

“What are we doing here, Steve?” Tony asks without breaking eye contact. 

“We’re having a conversation. Steve answers. “What do you want to happen”, he subtly challenges.

Tony cups the side of Steve’s face and caresses his cheek with his thumb before moving to trace the corner of his mouth. Tony searches his face, and Steve feels a thud of anticipation in his chest. Then Tony suddenly pulls away, once again creating space between them. 

“I really needed tonight”, Tony confesses. “It was…it was great. Fantastic, actually. But Ava complicates this far more than you realize.”

“I do realize that”. Steve informs him, hiding his disappointment.

“You don’t know the extent of it”, Tony insists. “When this thing goes South–”

“When.” Steve bitterly mocks. 

“Yes, Steve”, Tony affirms. “When”, he emphasizes. “Based on past experience, the probability of us ever working out is around thirty percent, and that’s me being generous with the calculation.”

Steve clenches his jaw as the reality of what he had tried to deny finally breaks surface. It’s true. He’s right. Steve knew this already. But even so Steve has to push down the unreasonable urge to scoff.

“For once I have my priorities in check”, Tony goes on, “and Ava takes precedence over Iron Man, or The Avengers, or the entire galaxy. Until you have a kid of your own you can’t possibly imagine the capacity you have to love another human being. It’s remarkable.” 

“So when this all goes South, however long that takes, we’re not the only ones that will be affected by this. It’s best if no one gets attached.”

Steve remembers Ava smiling up at him with her big brown eyes at the park the other day. He remembers how just a few hours before,Tony was lying beneath him, sparing a moment between fervent kisses to watch him intently.

I think that ship has sailed, Steve thinks to himself. He wont admit it out loud.

Instead of speaking Steve occupies himself with pin pointing the very few visible stars in the city-obstructed night sky.

**Author's Note:**

> Although this story will remain the core basis of the series, furture events or details in series will be susceptible to change as story further develops.
> 
> Be a part of the creative process at theavastarkrogersseries.tumblr.com


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